The Energy Vampires That Stop You from Thriving

There are many things in modern life which sap our energy, leaving less for the pursuits we really enjoy.   There is no point dwelling on those things we cannot affect, however, there are many we can.  Top of the list is the pursuit of issues that you cannot change or will have little influence upon.  This is a question of perception and proportion, something I suggest you employ before embarking on anything time consuming.  For instance, you have no influence at all on whether North Korea launches weapons tests.  The only thing you might do is to lobby your member of parliament or your senator.  After that there is absolutely no point wasting any time worrying about it.  Further investment in this issue is a complete energy drain.

Investing yourself in always being right is also a complete waste of your energy.  Sometimes it matters; a lot of time, both socially and with your family, you need to let things go.  Always correcting others or being vigilant for others' mistakes is both alienating to others and exhausting for yourself. If you’re running a top level laboratory—it matters.  If you’re discussing a sports score—it doesn’t.  It is really good for everyone if you can recognise the difference.

Close third is perfectionism.  This differs from above as its focus is turned in on you.  You will exhaust yourself in a bid to be perfect.  Humans are not perfect and far from striving to achieve this impossible standard we should be learning to accept ourselves, mistakes, faults and all.  Start by being kind and forgiving to yourself and others.  Adopt a kind internal voice: No telling yourself off for being stupid or an idiot.  Ask yourself, instead, “Did I achieve my goal or did I learn?”  Those are actually the only two outcomes.

Next is unrequited love or friendship.  This needs to be recognised and then given up as a miserable waste of time.  You need to invest your energy in the people where it is returned and the benefit is mutual.  Of course, there are ebbs and flows in any relationship and sometimes you will not be getting your fair share and you will be giving more but in a good relationship, when you need more input, the roles will be reversed.  If this is not the case then you are wasting your energy, your time and yourself.

Additionally, whilst anger can be very usefully employed if well-directed and controlled, hatred and resentment will only affect the person feeling them.  As mentioned in my other articles, I believe that resentment is the equivalent of swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die; only you will suffer!  Hatred, too, is highly corrosive for the person feeling it and very rarely affects the person it is directed towards.  These emotions are exhausting to maintain, significant energy vampires and corrosive to those who hold on to them.  Far better to express your anger or hurt and then let it go, whatever the response.

Next I would say that I lack of close or intimate relationships will start to drain your energy.  Everyone needs to be listened to, understood and valued.  As humans, we thrive when this is the case.  However, these relationships require investment.  We are back to the first point where you need to judge which relationships are worth your while.  However, deciding that no-one is worth this sort of investment is damaging and will limit your scope.  We all need to be needed and we all thrive when we can value others and be valued for our own humanity. Robert Weiss (1974) states that “attachment is the feeling that one has intimate bonds that provide a feeling of security and place”.

Failing to look after yourself physically is a big energy vampire.  If you drink or smoke too much you will ultimately feel this, first in a lack of energy and then, possibly, in ill health.  The same is true if you eat poorly and are significantly over or under weight.  Failing to keep yourself hydrated will make you feel tired, so drink enough water.  Sleeping badly is another energy thief.  Lack of exercise will exacerbate all of the above.  Attention to your physical well-being is paramount, as ill-health will  ensure you have very little energy for the things you enjoy.

Rumination will exhaust you.  If something is bothering you, you need to work out what appropriate action you can take.  Once you have taken that action and done as much as is possible you need to shelve it.  Constantly worrying at something sets you up for a negative thought pattern and ensures that you will return to it again and again, like a dog with a bone.  Ultimately this can lead to sleeplessness and depression.  Try to break repeat negative thought patterns.  Get up and make a tea/coffee.  Go for a walk.  Practice mindfulness or meditation or simple appreciation of what you do have, rather than what you don’t have.  Constant negative thought patterns can lead to despair and futility as described by Martin Seligman as “learned helplessness” (2006).  If you can’t break the negative patterns by yourself, seek help.

So there you have it.  The top energy drains.  Add any that are your personal favourites and work hard to conquer these so they don’t steal your joie de vivre.  Put time and energy into the people and projects that enhance who and how you are.  These include the important people in your life, work, good food, leisure and pleasure.  Most importantly of all, befriend yourself and forgive yourself because not having yourself on side, supported and loved, may just be the biggest energy thief of them all.

Energy Zappers 10 Everyday Things That Drain Our Energy and Steal Our Time

In today's 24/7 world, where time and energy have literally become precious commodities, the last thing high octane women need are things that reduce both. But a lot of the habits we've developed, some of which we do under the guise of "saving time," actually end up draining our energy and wasting our time.

What are these terrible thieves that steal our limited resources? Some of them may actually surprise you.

1) Tight Clothes - No doubt, the way we dress can have a powerful impact on how we're viewed by others, and even the way we view ourselves. But at a time when the hottest fashions include pencil skirts, jeggings, and "skinny" jeans, it might be worth considering whether being a fashionista is worth the fatigue. Tight, uncomfortable clothing can wear you out faster than you can say Valentino. Why? Because tight clothing restricts normal breathing, which reduces the amount of oxygen that travels to our brains and muscles. Because oxygen invigorates our cells, the less oxygen they get, the more tired we feel.

Solution: Wear stylish, yet comfortable clothing, and remind yourself to breathe deeply throughout your day, especially when you're feeling stressed. Deep breathing is a free, fast, and fabulous energy booster and stress-reliever.

2) High Heels - There's a reason why women laugh out loud when Robin Williams, in the role of Mrs. Doubtfire, says, "If I find the misogynistic bastard that invented heels, I'll kill him." Any invention that actually requires us to practice a skill that most of us mastered in our first year of life (walking) before we can successfully use it should give us pause. But not so for many women. Despite the energy drain (not to mention the pain) that high heels cause, we keep on wearing them ... to our own detriment. Just think about it. How quickly can you walk from point A to point B in high heels (time drain) and how much more energy do you have to expend walking there on your toes with your heels precariously suspended three or four inches off the ground on a base as thin as a pencil (energy drain)?

Solution: Wear comfortable dress shoes on regular days and save the high heels for those special, limited-time engagements.

3) Clutter - That's right. Clutter not only makes us anxious, which uses up energy, it also wastes time when we have to find something in the chaos that all too often has become our desks (or worse yet, our entire workspace or house). According to the Wall Street Journal, the average US executive wastes six weeks per year (about an hour every work day) searching for misplaced items in messy desks and files.

Solution: At a minimum, take a few minutes each day to straighten up your desk. The visual of a clean desk will reduce your anxiety and stress level. If disorganization is a chronic problem, don't try to conquer it all at once. Not only will you be exhausted at the end of the day, you'll probably be frustrated that you couldn't get what took years to clutter uncluttered in one day's time. The best approach to reducing clutter is to tackle it in small chunks. Commit to one room at a time and persevere. Over time, it will all get done.

4) Working Straight Through: Many high-achievers can get so focused on a project or task that they can work straight through an 8-, 10-, or 12-hour workday without taking a break other than to go to the bathroom (maybe). But is this the most productive way to work and live? According to Tony Schwartz, author of The Way We're Working Isn't Working(link is external), absolutely not! Schwartz explains, "We're hard-wired to make waves--to be alert during the day and to sleep at night, and to work at high intensity for limited periods of time--but we lead increasingly linear lives. By putting in long, continuous hours, we expend too much mental and emotional energy without sufficient intermittent renewal ... by living mostly desk-bound, sedentary lives, we expend too little physical energy and grow progressively weaker. Inactivity takes a toll not only on our bodies, but also how we think and feel."  

Solution: Take short breaks throughout your work day. Research has found that taking a brisk walk for just ten minutes boosts your energy for two hours, and if you can take your walk outside that's even better. Sunlight is a natural energy booster.

5) Negative People - There's a reason why negative people are called energy vampires. They suck the energy out of people through their chronic negativity, never-ending crises, and ongoing life dramas, leaving those around them feeling down, exhausted, and lethargic. As I discuss in my book, High Octane Women: How Superachievers Can Avoid Burnout(link is external), negative people are easy enough to identify. They frequently complain. They rarely, if ever, have a good thing to say about anyone or anything, which is why it's extremely difficult to stay positive around them.

Solution: To prevent negative people from draining you dry, you first have to identify who these people are in your life (including determining if you're one of them), and then decide how much time, if any, you want to devote to them. Dr. Steve Ornelas, author of Energy Vampires: Managing Stress and Negative Thoughts in Your Personal and Professional Lives(link is external), suggests that one way to combat negativity in your life is first to think of it as a movie--if your life was a movie, would it be a drama, a comedy, an adventure, a mystery? You also should frequently ask yourself, "Is this the direction I want my movie to go?" If your answer is more often no than yes, consider your cast of characters. Are they overly negative? Overly critical? Overly dramatic? High maintenance divas? Always remember that you are the script writer, producer, director, and lead actor of your show. If you don't want energy vampires on your set, you have to get rid of them, and if you can't, at least limit your exposure as much as possible.

6) Negative Emotions - For the same reasons negative people zap your energy, negative emotions, such as anger, resentment, regret, and jealousy, zap it as well. Negative emotions make our minds and bodies tense. In addition, when we experience these kinds of emotions, we have to exert a lot of energy to contain them, which can be exhausting.

Solutions: When you're feeling angry or upset, force yourself to do things that run counter to tension, such as deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and positive imagery. Also, train yourself to look at the positive side of things rather than the negative side. In psychology, this is called reframing, which means changing negative feelings or thoughts into positive ones. It takes practice, but it works if you give it a fair chance.

7) Heavy Lunches and Junk Food - Large and/or high-fat lunches require our bodies to expend more energy breaking down all that food, which is why most people feel lethargic and sleepy after a big meal. Junk food, usually in the form of sugar, such as candy or soda, causes an initial spike in blood sugar, which makes us feel energized for a short period, followed by a rapid drop in blood sugar, which makes us feel drained.

Solution: Skip the heavy meals, and go for smaller, more frequent meals throughout the day. And carry healthy snacks such as fruit, nuts, or low-fat yogurt with you, so that when you get hungry during the day, you aren't at the mercy of a vending machine to appease your hunger.

8) Skipping Breakfast - The all-night fast that happens while we're asleep leaves our bodies low on calories, and calories are what give us energy. Low calories=low energy.

Solution: Eat a good, high-fiber, low-fat breakfast every morning. If you don't have time to make breakfast before you leave in the morning, keep a box of healthy breakfast bars in your car so you're not running on empty when you get to work or wherever your schedule may take you.

9) Topsy-Turvy Circadian Rhythms - Inconsistent sleep-wake cycles throw our natural circadian rhythm out of whack, causing us to feel tired even on days when we've had a full night's sleep.

Solution: Discipline. Force yourself, as much as possible, to stay on a consistent sleep-wake schedule. This means going to bed around the same time each night and waking up, even on non-work days, at the same time each morning. Think of your body as a child--it (i.e., you) may resist consistency and discipline, but it (you) secretly longs for it.

10) Dehydration - The human body is composed mostly of water. So it should come as no surprise that we need it--a lot of it--to function properly. But very few high-achieving women take the time to hydrate as much as they should, which can leave them feeling tired and sluggish. 

Solution: Drink up! Eight to ten glasses of water per day is a good goal to strive for, but keep in mind that although soda, caffeinated beverages, and alcohol contain water, the best source for hydration is simply water (which is a bonus if you're watching calories because it has none).

10 Things People with Depression Need to Do Every Day

Yes, you are depressed. I know that place way too well, and I work my butt off to stay out of the D-zone. Here are ten little things that will give you a lift. You may not think you have the energy to do them, but, trust me, you can. It’s as easy as reading this article.

1. When you wake up, get you’re a** out of bed. Lying there will only let the negative thoughts gather energy. Once you start moving, your frame of reference for the day will change. You know this is true.
2. Before making your coffee, or whatever your morning ritual is, open up your phone and read something funny. There are so many apps that offer a joke a day and websites that point you to the funniest tombstones (“I wanted a Pyramid”). The trick is to surf the web until you laugh out loud. Once that happens, you can go on with your day.
3. If you have someone next to you, most likely you are a fortunate person. Most people find it hard to live with someone who’s depressed; the fallout can be difficult. Your task is to communicate your appreciation to the one who loves you. That’s it. This will also make you appreciate yourself more.
4. Plan your day. Business may be slow, and you may not have the energy to work anyway, or so you think. Even if your calendar is empty, you need to plan your day. It can be simple: Get up, eat, walk the dog, write your blog, take care of your environment. Simply knowing that you will go about the daily tasks of living can feel good, and when you are running errands or cleaning off your desk, purging files, or just doing the dishes, you won’t have time to feel so down.
5. Get clean. When you don’t have to be anywhere, it’s easy to skip the shower, which isn’t so horrible unless it goes on for more than a day or two. Bathing daily is healthy, it wakes you up, and you always feel better afterward. Keeping clean is a basic thing that some people suffering from depression find very difficult to do. So now you know: bathing is important, and it makes a difference.
6. Feed yourself well. It’s easy enough to live on a diet of fast or frozen food and delivery, but it’s not really nurturing or healthy. Making yourself one good meal a day can seem daunting at first, but in time you will look forward to it, because self-nurturing is still nurturing. And if you don’t cook, at least order good food for yourself.
7. Find a way to make or save some money. If you clip a couple coupons, find a deal online for something you needed, or take back those shoes you thought you wanted but will never wear, you are making yourself a little more financially secure. Money worries are very common when you are depressed, so being a little bit careful is also healthy.
8. Interact with another real live human being. Depression can cause you to want to avoid other people, and almost nothing could be worse for your condition. Even if it’s someone you know only casually, just saying “Hello. How are you?” will lift your spirits as well as theirs. Having a real conversation and sharing feelings can do even more.
9. Spend ten minutes learning about meditation. The jury is in: meditation works. You may think it’s not for you or not possible for you, but do some research. The practice is so simple, and the rewards are great.
10. Don’t buy into depression think. This is where you allow yourself to be limited by your depression. You don’t have to. Depression is an illness, but it doesn’t have to define who you are. Remember, you don’t have to be a victim of depression, you can fight this.

Depression is horrible, and I don’t want to stay in that space one second longer than necessary. It takes work to get out of it, but it is so worth the effort. Feeling some joy when you’ve been down is a breath of fresh air. Taking the above suggestions will make that possible.

Navaratri is a holy festival of 9 days of Hindus. If you want to share the celebration of this festival with your friends and relatives then take the advantage of these top trending SMS to congratulate. Let's know which of these SMSs are on the internet these days.





Lakshmi's hand, 
Saraswati will be together. 
Become the resident of Ganesha, 
and 
light the light in your life with the blessings of Durga ... 
!! Happy Navratri !!

The pain of red, the 
heart of the mother, the heart is filled with joy, the world is filled with 
your feet , your mother came to you, be 
happy, you are the festival of Navaratri. 
Auspicious navratri 

I was waiting for the clock to come ... By the time  the mother queen came on the lion ... it 

will now be 
filled with all the wishes of the mind ... all the painful moms filled up came to her door. 
|| Happy Navratri ||
 

The world is defeated, the mother is the daughter of 
liberation, mother! 
The basis of our devotion is the mother, 
the embodiment of protecting all of us is mother ... 
!! Jai Mata Di !!

The steps of the Goddess came to your house, 
you bathed with a lottery .... 
Problems stole your eyes, 
Navratri wishes you best

N = Nav Chetna | Nav Chetna 
A = Akhand Jyoti | Continuous light 
V = Vighna Nashak | Disruption defeating 
R = Ratjageshwari | Ratjageshwari 
A = Anand Dayi | Anand Dai 
T = Trikal Darshi | Trikal 
Darshi R = Rakhan Karti | Maintenance 
A = Anand Mayi Maa | Happiness may mom